On November 6th, iCan House sponsored a free film showing of Adam, from Fox Searchlight Pictures, at a/perture cinema.Many attended, but all watched in a different way. Each individual in the audience thought about a different person that they knew… a person that had Asperger’s syndrome, like the main character, Adam. Perhaps it was a sibling, a friend, a family member, or themselves, but we all did it. Adam was no longer Adam, but the embodiment of someone much, much more personal.
After the film, through tear soaked eyes, one iCan mom could barely utter, “Wow, that was a good movie,” and quickly left… only to surprise us with her true response in our email inbox a few hours later. We wish to share her thoughts as they are valuable and of a perspective that is all too valuable… a mom of a young man that is bursting into young adulthood… a boy that will soon take Adams place.
Read her words… fill in whatever name you find most suitable.
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I cried my eyes out from the beginning to the end! It was not just a movie to me, but a window through which I was seeing my son’s future! For almost 4 years, I have been living with the reality that ____ has Asperger’s. I have ‘come to terms’ with it, embraced it and the opportunity to learn all I can and have devoted my energies to making his world as ‘normal’ and ‘enjoyable’ as possible.”“From the moment I walked into iCan House all I ever wanted was for ______ to learn to be comfortable in his skin, accepting of himself, and to have friendships.
“I remember crying hard the night I attended iCan open house. I remember looking at all of the children there thinking, ‘but _____ is not like them. He is different. He is verbal, articulate, and bright.’ ‘This must be a mistake. He is not like these other kids.’ I remember crying and finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that he WAS different. He WAS unique in his own way…”
“I haven’t reflected on those emotions for years now….until tonight. As I watched that movie there in the dark, I did not see ‘Adam’ …. I saw ______. I thought how sad it was how he lived all alone, yet was perfectly content. I related to the fixation and monopolizing of conversations (except Pokemon is the theme, not space).”
“It was so sad how Adam told Beth, the love interest, that he needed her and that he couldn’t [move from NYC to California] without her (for every reason other than that love that she wanted him to need her for). It was especially sad because I got the humor and understood the girl’s side, too. She did the right thing. It is very difficult to bend and flex completely and continuously to make a relationship last a lifetime.”
“I know we cannot spend our days worrying about tomorrow, next year or 10 years from now. All we can do is work hard every day to try to prepare them for adulthood and real world……day by day, one step at a time. BUT I know that there is no magic cure. Asperger’s and the challenges it presents in ______’s life will be with him everyday. When he wakes up, a new day will begin full of challenges, many the same as yesterday. There may be days where he makes great strides, but wakes up the following day back at square one.”
“When our kids are little, we do our best to shield them, but there will come a time when we can no longer do that. We will not be around forever, and the thought of him having to do it all on his own and struggle….. that broke my heart.”
BUT: There is hope… the film closes with Adam living and working as an independent man. He may not have a romantic love interest, but it is certainly not impossible for him in the future. He feels success, he self-worth. He is a contributing member to his community.
Chances are that this story applies to more than just this one mother’s sentiments. Children become adults and then spend most of their lives as adults. People on the Autism Spectrum, just like the rest of the population need social connections and need the help and love of committed persons in their life. There are few resources to aid those on the spectrum once they reach the age of 18, but we intend to change that sooner rather than later!
We will be there. Our community must and will raise up to help raise, educate, and support this unique and amazing population of individuals… or it will be very sorry that it let talent go to waste!
Upcoming PADD* meeting at iCan House:
